Me Is Gay

A few words from the real Brian O'Blivion
People have asked me about why I dislike Brian O'Blivion so much. Hmmm... there are so many reasons. So while I'm thinking about it, I ask that you check out this lovely email that Brian O'Blivion wrote me last Wednesday. Enjoy.

--------------------------------------------------------
Subject: A few words from the real Brian O'Blivion.
Well, well, well. I'm number 1. Most votes/entry and the highest average chart, simultaneously. I win: Game over. Your vindictive little campaign against me has come to nothing.I bet you wish that was you up there, don't you? But it's not, because you're not good enough at Photoshop. If you were, you wouldn't have to pretend you are by sitting in judgment of your betters in your slowly dying kangaroo court.A tutorial. (Which is wrong, by the way.) How-to Start Winning Fark PS Contests. Duhh.. Sounds familiar. You really, really wish you were me, don't you? No wonder you reserve such venom for me. But like so many other whiny Gen X pricks you think that you can elevate yourself by pulling other people down. That you can become famous by doing nothing, like Paris Hilton. No such luck. It's hard work, mastering Photoshop. Your way is lazy and much easier, but it's hardly fulfilling, is it? You're not very good at journalism either. If you were you'd be able to tell whether that Therapy impostor was me or not by analyzing his/her literary style and comparing it to the one in my profile. But you can't even spell, let alone critique prose, can you? There's no "e" in argument, for example. Bad luck, idiot: I saw that, before you tried to save face by deleting it from your article about me - how embarrassing for you, in an illiterate diatribe erroneously attacking my spelling. I had a good laugh at your expense about that in 2978972. You're not good enough at any endeavour to take me on, and you know it. I don't have to cower behind an anonymous alias, and never have. If you knew enough about HTML to write a real website, you'd have been able to tell which poster was spoofing me from the DNS domain name in your server logs – that is if you weren't faking me yourself. My .nz suffix is a dead giveaway on a hit counter. Just to prove that this is really me and not another one of your sock puppets: (Yes, I saw that too before you hurriedly deleted it: how embarrassing for you.)Note the image host name this time, fool. http://oblivion-graphics.com/fark2/critics-ID.jpgI didn't bother posting any comments in this second incarnation of your wretched blog before you chickened out and censored them, because I intend to deny you the one thing you really crave in the absence of legitimate HR stardom: recognition. Recognition would validate you in your mind, and the minds of the clique of envious nobodies who support you. You wanted my participation so badly that you even pretended that I was doing it. You cowered in fear of my shadow, without me having to lift so much as a finger.Machiavelli: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. To that end, I keep an eye on your drivel. Sun Tzu: All warfare is based on deception, and you are easily deceived. I know you won't reprint this because the predictable point-by-point deconstruction you are planning in your head as you read it will itself be torn to shreds by your own critics if you print it, and you'll realize this when you've calmed down, so stop smashing up your basement, fat boy. The reality is that I'll just go back to ignoring you again and instead you'll end up in yet another pathetic sideshow flamewar with the other bitter loser bloggers, who will accuse you of being obsessed with me, or forging me, and that's the last thing you want because those pointless flamewars make you look weak.More Sun Tzu: If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. 100 hits on your sad blog count for O votes on the Scrutinizer or HR. You can pretend that you are popular as you answer the trickle of pointless, illiterate suck-up emails you get from hacks you secretly can't stand, but you're not popular. Since you can't top the charts, being the centre of attention is ultimately the only metric of popularity that matters to you, isn't it? Don't even try and pretend that you are just trying to raise the standard of our game: you are dealing with me now, and I am not fooled.Truth is if it wasn't for the photoshoppers you dump on, parasites like you wouldn't have anything to write about. Extinguish a bright light and the little moths that circle it must vanish back into the darkness.Despite your boasting, none of the "high-profile photoshopping 'artistes'" you sucked up to have ever written to you or posted on your blog. They're my friends, we talk, they can't stand you, and the PSAEF isn't the only place we gather.Drama queen cliché hack Iceprey (aka the captionshopping sock puppet Meanwhile...) and his easily manipulated groupie HellYeahHokie don't count by the way. None of you has-been ex photoshoppers count.Don't write back.AJAKA Brian O'BlivionPS: Remember when you created a Critic login on Fark and it got flagged to the Mods and deleted in less than 10 minutes? That was me. I've also posted instructions in the PSAEF and my profile reminding people that they can flag your blog to the Blogger Mods. Think of each tick you get as a personal -1 vote from me to you. One more thing: make sure you don't make the same mistake twice: load the NZ or international English dictionary before you run this through spell-check, sucker.
--------------------------------------------------------
So, to recap...I'm an fat unpopular ex-photoshopping has-been who is tearing up my parents basement because Brian O'Blivion is smarter and more attractive than me. Not only do I wish I was 'Not Gay, but I wish I was him. I'll also never surpass him in any endeavor, 'Top The Charts' or be as famous a photoshopper as he is because I'm obviously a fagwad. The one thing that you should always do is boast about your standing on the Honor Roll or the Scrutinizer. Those sites are accurate. Some of the best and most memorable photoshoppers who have ever graced Fark with their presence aren't anywhere to be seen in the top 50... or even the top 100. LOSERS! If you happen to rank high on the list, then I have a mad on for you. It's something that should be bragged about. It means your better than me in every way. Especially since that column changes hourly!
So, that's 'the real Brian O'Blivion'. I could comment on the letter's entirety, but I'll let his words speak volumes for me instead. He put me in my place and showed everyone what a piece of shit I am. To see this email with original header, click here.
NOTE: If you think that this letter is contrived it's not. I spammed it to a few people the morning that he sent it. Yeah, I've been sitting on it a week, but I wanted to cower like a pathetic simpleton for a bit. The truth is that I just wasn't sure how I was going to present it, since I got PWNED so badly. And, everyone can agree that "I am gay" - You'll also note the .jpg that's on his server. That was his 'trap' that he spoke of earlier this week. So, think what you like. Yes, I enjoyed sending that email to everyone. Because I suck monkey balls.